“I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world." Madonna.
Yet, I can't seem to get myself to fall asleep. This will be the 4th night where I fall victim to anxiety and a wild imagination. Thank you Imogen Heap for keeping me company.
I feel that I'm not doing enough with my life. I am so terribly terrified that when I graduate from college, that I will just aimlessly wonder Michigan unemployed and unsuccessful. I also fear that I will not find enough financial stability to be able to take care of myself, and my sister when she is older. I fear that all of the hopes and dreams my family has for me will be put to waste in a whirlwind of disappointment and lackluster.
These fears are the reason that I constantly fight every day to do the best I can possibly do. I try to conquer the world, and be a step ahead of everybody. I try to have more internships, and I try to always be shining star with every program, organization, situation, friendship, etc. People look at my life right now and tell me how great I am; how far I have come for being 21. Yet, I just feel stressed out and defeated.
I feel like I take on too much, and I'm so afraid that I have bitten more than I can chew. I feel like I am juggling all of these opportunities, and so many people are counting on me. My avoidance to let myself and others down now have me overworked and spread thin.
Am I doing too much or just enough? Am I not doing anything? Am I swimming circles in a big pond, when the real world is a giant ocean filled with battleships?
Am I just too tired?
I want so much in this world. Madonna never rested, so I guess neither should I.
